Chapaat v2.0

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Bf Gf kahanees

A bf and a gf sat in the park which shone with moonlight.
Her eyes sparkled as he looked into them. He was more than mesmerized.
And suddenly he said
"My darling! I've been dying to tell you.."
The girl holds his hand and says
"Oh please do! Im eager to hear what you want to say"

"My darling! I ... I .... I love you"
The girl's face lit up.
She looked delighted and said
"Wow!! Me too!!! Even I love myself!!!!"

The boy got a chapaat.
___

A bf and a gf sat in the park which shone with moonlight.
Her eyes sparkled as he looked into them. He was more than mesmerized.
And suddenly he said
"My darling! I've been dying to tell you.."
The girl holds his hand and says
"Oh please do! Im eager to hear what you want to say"
"I've got a poem for you which will tell you the condition of my heart"

The boy started reciting the poem.

Your Pulchritude

Your hair as black as coal,
as pure as HCl, your soul.
Eyes as beautiful as mine.
Your figure is so so fine!

As graceful as a giraffe
so innocent, just like a calf.
As swift as a deer
you're as tasty as beer.

Hair like a horse's tail
body as that of a blue whale
Your face as radiant as fire
your beauty has caught me in your mire.

You are as hot as the sun
As soft as McDonald's burger bun
As learned as google.com
and as reliable as a CD-ROM.

As slender as a toothpick
as tickling as a dog's lick.
You are as tall as my sister
and as strong as a twister.

Your lips as pink as my tongue
you are so new and young.
your waist so slim like a mire
you are the thing, I desire.

Fingernails as sharp as knives
to get you, I'd die nine lives.
You, as open as a book
as proficient as a chinese cook.

You are fairer than white,
but is being so pale alright ?
Your teeth as white as a lily,
and your touch is so so chilly.

Your appeal has dazed me
your beauty has razed me
your pulchritude has caught me
because of you, I forgot me!

--

The girl was chapaatingly speechless.




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Thursday, October 27, 2005

[[MNC (My New Cell) and TM(Time Magazine)]]*

I got a new cell yesterday.
It works awesomely, has great features, wonderful looks
and the best part...
it shows the amount of battery left..

I must show you its photo
.
.

(Yes... Scroll Down!)















Good hai naa ??

_______






Chapaat.... Has become famous!




(Click for larger view)






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Captain Planet... He's a hero
Gonna take pollution down to zero!

______

P.S. The captain planet article was placed here as a substute as we encountered techical diffiulties while publishing the original article. Thank you.

*(Courtesy: Chapaat v1.0)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Dipsites

Well, before I reached collez......
"Oh you mean while you were on the way??"

No!
I mean, before I started studyin in collez.....
"Ohh!! Do you actually STUDY in collez ??"

Oh shit!
Before I joined collez..
"Thats fine...."

So, before I was here(in collez) , I had a very odd impression about dipsites. (People from DPS)
I thought people from that school were too highly impressed by the west and everybody thought they were from America or sumtn like tha'....

I considered dipsites to be max. arrogant, haughty and the unknowing-hindi-indians and they would use terms like "I Guess..." or "Hey dude!!!" or "Whateva" and ya "Yo Maaan!"...

Not that I was from a govt. school or lived in slums, but we all talked to each other in hindi. I thought that people in dps, stylishly talked in english.

Most surpisingly(to me even), I thought they dressed up like rappers and kept sayin "Yo man!" and "Yo dude! 'Sup" all the time. I had imagined everyone in their school said such stuff.. Everyone.....
So while giving the attendence teacher calls out
"Hey wherez the roll no. 41 dude"
"Yo ma'am! Aaaaam Here!" (Raising their rap style hand)

[[Rap style hand is similar to rock style hand... Only index and small finger opened up]]


I thought these people were so influenced by the west that they might be looking like this





No dumbo! not like garfield.. Notice the rapper part....




Things changed after I got to know a few people from DPS in collez..
(Oddly enough there was no dipsite studyin in our school :| )

I got to know that they were normal people, spoke hindi, did not listen to rap and only rap and do not wear long chains with 7-lever locks hanging in them on top of fancy jerseys with matching caps. (I actually thought so)

I know many of them now through various sources, but I know Mayush, PG and Veeru closely which is enough to void my earlier impression.







But Maayush still showed me a pic where he does look like a rapper!!
He says once there actually was such a fashion in school.


(Maayush and his American Rapper friend)

Now what do I say ??

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Mission Jim

Some people have already read this one.. And some of the some who read did not understand.
Lets see if you can.. And lemme tell you, understanding this does not require an IQ as such.


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Mission Jim

It was quiet and cold. Yullee was alone in the bathroom looking carefully at the dead flywhen suddenly hully came in. Hully saw the dead fly and was reminded of their father.Juller, their father was the greatest of the flyers but had been killed by a group of flies.Obviously, Yulle was Hully's sister. They loved each other more than their life.
"Yullee.. Its time to go"
"Do you see that fly ??"
"Yes but they can come any minute.. Come on, lets go now"

Yullee and hully were escaping from Jim, who lived in that house.
"If Jim gets one sight of us, he'll kill us both. He was the reason for our father's death also" said Hully. Jim had injured their dad and he was later killed by voraciously carnivorous flies.But they had to fight againt Jim and kill him some way or the other, chances of which were less.The only way they could do that was by poisoning his food somehow.
"Lets go to the kitchen..."So they quietly moved to the kitchen... There was no one there. Jim loved corn-flakes with lotsa sugar in them so..
"Yulle, you poison the sugar and I'll go for the flakes"
"Okay brother! Mission Jim begins"

They had moved in this house 2 days ago and Jim had become their greatest enemyby leading their father to death. Now their only aim was to kill Jim and have thehouse to themselves. And their work was almost complete.

They hid in the kitchen as Jim entered the kitchen.He mixed the flakes with milk and sugar as he did everyday, but as soon as he was about to sip it,he saw Yullee! He jumped out of his chair, highly annoyed and got his weapon from the his drawer next to him.And as he shot it at Yullee, the poor cockroach died and fell into his breakfast.But hully, being the loving brother, jumped after yullee to save her but Jim fired at him too..No breakfast for jim today, but the family of the great flying cockroach Juller was no more.Jim cleansed his hands for 5 minutes after keeping the insect spray inside the draw but still fell that this hands were filthy.
The 6-yr-old Jim died 3 days later due to food poisoning.

'Mission Jim'.... successful.

TyTy

---

Samajh aayee story ??
What?? 'NAHI' ??

Arre yaar! samajh nahi bhi aayee to meri khushi ke liye jhooth he bol dete..
Tumhara dil hai ya patthar ??

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Sunday, October 23, 2005

Abey tu! Jackie!!

Abey Tu!

Array! (computer wala nahi hindi wala)
Aaap yaha..? ! ? ?!

Aaaj raasta kaise bhool gaye ??
"Abay Idiot bhoole nahi yaad aa gaya! Chapaat 2 u"

Aaaaah! (chapaat padega to awaaz to aayegi naa!!)
____

Jackie

I seem to be using this word quite a lot and people understand less of it.
So I write this to eludicate on the topic.

The word Jackie gets its origin from one of the most respected, famous and revered people in India. As you would've guessed -> Jackie Shroff...

Now, If you try to speak quickly, Shroff would sound like shvoff or Show Off.
So a code term for the one who shows off is Jackie.

Jackie is a noun as well as an adverb. Infact, the oxford has agreed on adding it to the dictionary and obviously, my name shall also be mentioned alongwith the word.
(And not as an example.. Please!)

--

There'r many ways a person can jackie. I note people around me jackying all the time. I have been making notes of all that jackiepana.

"The exorcist didn't scare me.. Please find me a movie that does! Please!" (Look at the mirror dude)

"I got 32/40 and 30/30 in my minors but Im not concerned" (thats why I mention it)

"I think Im gonna buy that jacket.. Its only for 8000 bucks" (Jeb mein 10 rs nahi)
"Oh shit dude! I got only 10$ in my wallet." (He had Rs.500 with him... ONLY)
"Oh man! Dad sold the yellow mercedes that I used to get on tuesdays..."
The list goes on...
Patti insists that such Jackies should be respected...
Hence he says ... "Arre ! tumne jackie ko jai kee ??"
The word showoff sounds a little 'vaaheeyaat' and insulting to use.
Hence use the word Jackie as it has its advantages one so many.
___
Talking about Jackies, I must Jackie about one small thing myself... Ahem ahem.. try to find the blogger navbar on this page... :D
Jackie Kee Jai

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Puppy!

Lesson
Nobody's prefect... Oh I mean perfect.
_____

Puppy!

This is the story of my friend, actually, an autobiography in a different trend, in his words what happened in his life and how so I think I should start off now.

I love nature and all its creatures..I love everyone and all their features. Once I wanted to savor the natural beauty and a stroll through the forest made my heart fruity. Going through the forest I saw a small cute puppy with a broken paw..The poor animal crying in the grass-bed so I kicked the dumbo right in its head. 'Oh! What have I done?' I cried and soonafter the puppy died. Now I knew I was in trouble and a police case would make it double.

What should I do god, O great giver...So I threw the mutt in the river.I was so scared at this time maybe someone witnessed the crime. Just then, I heard some noise and turned around to find some boys, looking at me with staring eyes... Well, sneaking on me was not nice. So I went close to where they were.

'No no!..We didn't see anything Sir!'

But,I had to,so, I took out my gun and shot the brats one by one! Hearing the noise their parents appeared and they would complain to the police I feared. So the gun did some more work for the day and without waiting I skipped away. I killed exactly 13 people and a dog and walked slowly in the fog, just then , I saw the same puppy again,
had my kick gone in vain ?'

No Dear! It was the Ghost of the pup which had come to bang me up! But I was still the boss, you know coz I'd learnt 'Tantrik Vidya' long ago. So I applied my knowledge against the ghost
and I did something to hurt it the most! I smacked it and put it into a jar which I had got and threw the ghost jar in the shitpot!

Years passed and my life changed everything transformed from disordered to arranged. I sang, danced, and played really awesome guitar and sooner than I knew, I was a pop star. Then, After 17 years,police came to me to enquire about the dog's body found in sea.
'But I threw it into the river!' in my mind thought

'Rivers go into the sea', In geog. I had been taught. But I had wiped off all proof related to the killing game... They still found me, even though I'd changed my name. Hail! O Hail to the modern forensic technology, they dug out the truth from 17yr old mythology. So it was simple to kill the policemen, What was to happen was clear then! Through plastic surgery I changed my face and closed the file to the dog murder case.

Slowly, I became more popular then ever, it was my talent and I know I'm clever. No one ever found out that I was the killer and this is the end to this thriller! Hence, I advice, never kill anyone not for revenge not for fun. I don't want to create any more suspense coz I think this post's stopped making sense.

So stop reading get back to work fulfill your duties and don't shirk(duties)! Grow more plants and plant more trees, and help the poor creatures,give a home to the bees! I know You're curious to find out who's my friend I'm tellin you about well, don't let your mind go too far its dear Michael Jackon the star.

---

If (you noticed something) Then
"Some people do the reverse... I choose to be differnent"
Else
"Forgive me.. Just an arbit post!"
End if

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Saturday, October 22, 2005

Tear

I have always believed(as far as i remember) in the EAE thingy...
Expression Amplifies Emotion

I write this post, not for you to read but beacuse I want to blurt out what I feel.
Im not in my seriously joking mood today so I even write this post in a different color to indicate that.

--

We always run after pleasure, not realizing that our best friend is only pain who always stays with us. The irony lying the fact that acceptance of pain is pleasure itself. Thats an infinite loop statement and I don't think Ive completely understood it too....

A loss of something we assume as plaeasurable is called pain and removal of something that pains is called pleasure. I dont think Ive actually gone beyond a situation where I have no instantaneous pain, and removal of that pain is called bliss. Grossly Incorrect. Bloodily stupid to use the word 'bliss' in any of our conversations... We actually dont know what bliss is. And yes generalized the 'I' to 'We'.. I did that....

--

When I used to lose something, I used to be hurt for losing it.
When I lose something now, Im significantly hurt as to why am I being hurt for losing it thought the latter is quite small as compared to the total hurt.
When the extent of total hurt crosses a certan threshold, something we know as a tear, emanates.

--

As it came out from the surface of my eyeballs, it touched my sensitive cheek skin, slid and quietly vanished leaving behind a tingling feeling on the face.

I then thanked you, O God, I then thanked you.
I thanked you, for the pain I got, may anything the source be, I thanked you for the pain.
Coz it this pain weren't there, why'd I thank you ???

Believe me! It was Overwhelmingly ecstatic.
The most 'pleasurable' moment that existed. Stronger and intenseful than any joy I had ever felt before.Within a nanosecond the whole background of the tear had transformed.
I cried, then, not to shed pain but to experience pleasure and it ends so soon!! So soon!!

The reason for the tear is not always pain, but many times wonder and gratitude too.... and it adds.. It really does. I again reach the same state as I would've if it were pain. Actually, this time its even better.

I just wish I could cry more often.

_____

Friday, October 21, 2005

Chapaaaaaaaaaaaachhiiii

Oh! you're wondering about the title ?
WHAT YOU AREN'T???
But I'll still tell you. Whenever I write a title, I speak it out first to see what it sounds like.
I was wanting to write 'Chapaat' and while speaking I sneezed. According to my 'usools' I had to write it the way I spoke it.
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Nice Chapaat
People call Chapaat not-so-good,lame, unfunny, dirty, barbaad,'hugga'... so I thought why not write a good chapaat. Why not write a really nice chapaat.
See I wrote a really nice looking chapaat this time.
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Seeing this, my friend handa exclaimed..
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Sun Chat
I looked at my watch it said 'Afternoon'
I looked at my date watch.It said 'Today'
If yóu're wonderin'..I dont have month and year watches... yet to buy them.
In the gleaming afternoon, I walked alone on the road, the sun called me.. (I wonder how he got my cell no.)
Said .. "Look Up anpad!" and hung up.
I wonder how he knew I was anpad.. Anyways..I looked up and he started talking to me. We talked for a long time. Seldom some people passed by and thought I had escaped from the asylum. I talked to the sun for a long time but I cannot tell you that coz I'd promised him.
Though after talking to the sun, I reached home and wrote this poyum.
Love is in the air
where where where where where?
Either i'm blind
Or you dont have a mind
Love is nowhere to be found
so come back to the ground
Love is maybe undercover
So get back to work Mr.lover
_______
____

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

A 'Vaaheeyaat' Incident

I looked into my watch, it said 'dark'. (Yes my watch speaks!!)
I looked around.. anyone could say it was 8:34 PM...
We; Handa, Patti, Odie and Me were roaming around in the ptich-blackness of the dear park in front of IIT. Roaming around, we realised we reached really deeeeeeep into the park with no one around except us and a pathway. Surrounded by black trees & plants and noisy insects, we moved on slowly, but our imaginated raced.

"Have you ever seen a ghost ??" was the call...
"Na!! Not me.. How about you ??"
"Na!!" nodding

I guess we were being impractical and 'vaheeyaat'... You dont see ghosts for free.
Do you ??

None of us had ever seen a ghost. None of us had ever even been so deep into a forest-type park at 8:35 PM(ek min ho gaya na bhai).
We were excited.
"How about seeing a ghost today ??" said Patti.
"Oh no.. Im sorry.. Im already seeing someone" said handa...
We laughed.

But we all wanted to spot a ghost in the gloomy night.
Used every bit of our imagination to point at things, stationary and dead, saying
"I think that must be a ghost!!!" and then others gave formal observational proofs for their contradictory opinion.

Everyone in their adventurous mood wanted a ghost-tryst now.
Trying to flaunt his english, Odie said "How about a ghost-tryst today??"
(See I told you na!) (Btw Tryst takes place in feb, techfest @ iitd)

"Does any one know a ghost story here ??", said odie trying to scare the others.
Amazingly, we were not scared at all... maybe because no one knew any.

Walking, thinking, observing...
Suddenly handa blurted
"Forget ghost... What if we meet some robbers or a theives or 'daakus' for that matter!! ??"

Looking at each other, we all concurringly U-turned without saying a word and started walking towards the gate, outside of the dense woods, to the city life.
Suddenly, a bush moved...
And No! It was certainly not George W. Bush, we were not in IIT,Washington.

"Oh shit! Run run!!!"

We all started running fast.. real fast, without looking behind...
As we ran, a fat uncle was jogging on the pathway. The 4 of us covered the whole width and uncle had to retract off the path to let us pass. He He Ha Ha. Uncle was even scared!!

As we reached the park gate, we realised that it wasn't something very great.
As I said 'Vaheeyaat' and impractical. I now realized why none of us had got a good grade in the Chemistry Practical course. Everyone was trying to flaunt that they'r fearless superheroes but the thought of some meagre 2nd-grade robbers made them zip out!

Once when I was in class 3rd, my friend stole my rubber.
I told the teacher.
He was titled 'The 3rd-grade Rubber Robber"
___

This post has a really significant meaning for some creatures that might seem to exist.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Variety....

There are many who can speak french.
But there are many who can't.
And Im surely one of the many.
Funny are the people who can speak it.
They'r also funny who can't.
Still I think, that Im not funny.
Sense, it seems, is difficult to find,
So sense the sense in this my friend
I know, for you, its a tough one honey.
To tell the truth, I dont think there's any.

_____
Cricket

The cricket was wonderful. The whole thing actually. I am usually not interested in such stuff but the other day I saw it, I was more than mesmerized to view the beauty of it all. The green background with awesome design, the pitch black shadows, the way they moved, the

Scroll Pls


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By they, I mean the antennas.
See how gracefully long they are.
See the cute nymph.
The green leafy thing.
(In a high tone)
The beautiful design!

See!! See!! and be mesmerized!
(In low tone mode again please)
Okay now.. I Think thats an over. I mean its over.
_______

Music Stuff

Many people come and ask me..
"Hey mani! What kinda music you like ??"
I usually answer but I feel bad, underprivilaged... destitute even. The reason being that Im deaf :(

Naa. Im kiddin... Actually I like only heavy metal. For example, people wanna buy a rosewood guitar coz its light. Mine's made of Lead(Pb) and the tabla I play.. Yes sir! no leather tops.. Only Iron.

I sing well too! I sing well 3 even for that matter!
The story behind:Once my friend Bhavi, she left her microphone and stuff system in my car.
So having a mic just for me, I practiced singing. I've become such an awesome singer now!
She even left her leads(cables) in the car. So Im a lead singer!

____

You should know this: Never overlook something that looks arbit as actually arbit... There could be a very deep meaning to it.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Not expected Mr.Yahoo! ! Not expected at all...

Yahoo's become like srk.. Will do anything, decent or indecent, to earn.
I login to yahoo mail to find.....


(Click the pic please)

Now thats a PC-given-Chapaat.


Dureja's Udhaar

Note:
The title is not not 'ud-dhaar' as in kalyaan/betterment
but its 'udhaar' as in credit.


Dureja

Dureja is a cool guy. His normal body temperature is also about 95F.
The only problem he faces is that no one reads his blog.
Thats why its called http://whosgonnareadit.blogspot.com

Well one day we guys were talkin and he started crying...
Dureja(crying): yaar... Im so gareeb... So gareeb... I can't even buy a chotti-munch. Im max gareeb.
I tried to console him by the cliche tranquilizer 'Sab theek ho jayega mere dost'
He immedietly stopped crying and thanked me like hell.

I said 'Yeh kya kar raha hai yaar ??.. Dost ko thank you ?????'
He said 'Sorry .. mujhe maaf kar de'
'Arre! yaar! tu bada bewakoof hai! Dost ko sorry ??'

He cried like hell.
Dureja(crying): 'Yaaaaaaar!!! mai to bahut bada idiot bewakoof moron.. sab hu'
'Mani dost.... tujhe pata hai na mai kitna dumb hu ??'

Me: 'Ha yaar! I know.. Everyone says Dureja kaafi dumb hai.. usse to special theory of relativity bhi nahi samajh aayee.'

Dureja cried like he hadn't got dudu(milk) for over 2 months now.
____

The Udhaar Thingy

Recently, dureja got a new template for his blog.
I had a photo of 'daaru' and 'beedi'.
So I asked him how you managed that..

'Yaar I bought a bottle of daaru and beedi from the 'baniye kee dukaan' next to my house..'

'But dureja dude.. I thought you were max gareeb.. How did you get so much paisa ??'

Dureja: Simple! Udhaar!

Me: Arre! When do you have to give him the money then ??

Dureja: After 1 month.

Me: And what'll you do then ? How are you going to get the money ?

Dureja: Dude! There'r so many baneeyas in Delhi. Ill take another udhaar.

Me:But but but! Woh return kaise karega ??

Dureja: Wait Mani... Wait.. I think its time I told you my udhaar theory...

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Dureja's udhaar theory

Lets say you take udhaar from one baniya1 for 1 month.
So after 1 month, buy something of the same worth from baniya2 with obvsiously 'udhaar' and sell it to baniya3.

Give the money to baniya1. So udhaar gets transferred from baniyaa1 to baniya2.
And next time transfer it from baniya2 to baniya3 ... and so on.

The beauty of this is, there are infinite many banias...
and the banias wont finish but one day I will finish.


So I Present
The law of conversation of Udhaar.. (or maybe conservation maybe)


Udhaar (once created) cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be tranformed from one baniya to the other.
____

P.S. If some baniye kee dukaan wala is reading this... This post represent solely the views of Mr Dureja and I cannot be blamed for anything written here.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

The paintings and the iPod

Paintings Shaintings

Many of you are thinking that Im a born talent or sumtn like that.. and Ill turn into some Michaelangelo (see, i dont even know spellin) type painter as I grow...
Thats maybe... untrue.
I've been painting, using a software called Twisted Brush, a specialized painting software.

Though I've not used digital enhancement, ie I use the simple basic tools like brushes, cloth and blending water to paint, still my friends say this is unreal art.
So be it. The products are, I feel, amazing.





(Please click images to see full size)




I present some of my recent peices.

You could say, I just tried my hand at painting.

_____

Why the iPod shuffle Rules

My friends, I know, will call me a jackie for this. (Jackie => Jackie Showoff)
But Im more than impressed by my new shuffle.

It randomly plays songs from its 512 capacity with the press of a button.
It was 5 buttons-> foward, next, Vol up, Vol down, Play/pause.

What could be more simple ???

The shuffle does not have a screen, no EQ settings. I think thats a benifit, that I do not have to fidget with it.. Just press the play button and simple accept what you get. And trust me, what you get is simply amazing.






I painted my shuffle too.






As light as a feather and as Beautiful as Aishwarya
_____




Some arbit pieces


This is the McD Mcgrill burger.. (Im not sure acutally)
At first, I was trying to paint a cockroach.. I didnt come out to well, so I changed it into a burger.(Notice the top part of a burger.. Don't he look like cockroach ??)








A b/w bud. A bit simplish.







Thats all folks.

TadadaTada. (Background music)

Friday, October 14, 2005

Im in love

Im simply in love with these writings, an example of which Im posting...
You might not understand or maybe like to understand what is said but I just wanna say Im in love.

Written below is the original text with english translation below...
But obviously, the translation bottlenecks the original greatness of the text.

______

aiso ih sansaar paykhnaa rahan na ko-oo pa-eehai ray
This world as seen is only a drama, no one is here to stay,


sooDhay sooDhay rayg chalhu tum natar kuDhkaa diva-eehai ray
One must walk straight or you shall have to bear the pushes of the world.


baaray boodhay tarunay bha-ee-aa sabhhoo jam lai ja-eehai ray
May it be children, youth or the old, O Brother, everyone is taken by death.


maanas bapuraa moosaa keeno meech bila-ee-aa kha-eehai ray
The poor man has been made a mouse, the death cat devours him.


Dhanvantaa ar nirDhan man-ee taa kee kachhoo na kaanee ray
It gives no special consideration to either the rich or the poor.


raajaa parjaa sam kar maarai aiso kaal badaanee ray
The king and his subjects are equally killed; such is the power of Death.


har kay sayvak jo har bhaa-ay tinH kee kathaa niraaree ray
Those who are pleasing to the Lord are the servants of the Lord; their story is unique and unparalleled.


aavahi na jaahi na kabhoo martay paarbarahm sangaaree ray
They don't come and go, don't die and abide with the supreme God.


putar kaltar lachhimee maa-i-aa ihai tajahu jee-a jaanee ray
Know this in your heart,that by foreswearing the attachment with your sons, wife, wealth and property,


kahat kabeer sunhu ray santahu milihai saarigpaanee ray
As said by kabeer,listen oh saints, you shall meet the lord for ever.

______

Im back... Chape!

If you thought I was mani, dude you were wrong...
Coz Im back!

Back from where??? you might try to ask....
Well, Ill not answer your Q. (:P to you)

I wish to shed light on a special topic today. (Yes... Im like a tubelight)

Many times while chatting, I use the word 'chape'.

Unfortunately, the poor 5 letta word, with it carries many controversies..
Firstly, many people would not know its meaning and mistake it for some 'maa bhan kee gaali' type word.. I lost chattin partners like this you see...

Secondly, the fights over it spellin continue to spring up..
There are several ways of writin chape
chape
chaep
chayp
chaip
chap
chep

but I think as Tape is tape, Chape is chape... All others are incorrect...

The word is multivalent just like the F word...
'Chape mat ho ' (Dont stick 2 me)
'Kitnaaa chape hai' (Sooo stupid he is)
'Chape joke' (Nonsense joke)
'Maxxxx! chape' (Seriously corny)
etc etc

At this point, I remember a famous quote
'etc' is just a way of pretending you know a lot more than you actually do...

And ya! The F word is fight.. What were you thinkin?

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Ze Chaat Incident

So the other day, I was chatting with someone called Chatter1..
And as naturally as anything I said 'Chape'
So, suddenly, maybe to change to topic, I get a reply sayin...

Chatter1: 'Now what does this mean ????'

Me: this Pronunciation Key (ths)
pron.
pl. these (thz)
    1. Used to refer to the person or thing present, nearby, or just mentioned: This is my cat. These are my tools.
    2. Used to refer to what is about to be said: Now don't laugh when you hear this.
    3. Used to refer to the present event, action, or time: said he'd be back before this.
  1. Used to indicate the nearer or the more immediate one: This is mine and that is yours.


I surely was amazed.. How can people not know the meaning of 'this'... Shit!
But more astonishing, is that people are not satisfied by one chape Q.

Chatter1: 'WHAT?? What ?? What is that supposed to mean...??' (Chatter1 stammers you see)
So back to dictionary.com, I help the poor chatter1.

Me:that.Pronunciation Key (tht, tht)
pron. pl. those (thz)
()
    1. Used to refer to the one designated, implied, mentioned, or understood: What kind of soup is that?
    2. Used to refer to the one, thing, or type specified as follows: The relics found were those of an earlier time.
    3. Used to refer to the event, action, or time just mentioned: After that, he became a recluse.
  1. Used to indicate the farther or less immediate one: That is for sale; this is not.
  2. Used to emphasize the idea of a previously expressed word or phrase: He was fed up, and that to a great degree.
  3. The one, kind, or thing; something: She followed the calling of that which she loved.
  4. those Used to indicate an unspecified number of people: those who refused to join.
  5. Used as a relative pronoun to introduce a clause, especially a restrictive clause: the car that has the flat tire.
    1. In, on, by, or with which: each summer that the concerts are performed.
    2. According to what; insofar as: He never knew her, that I know of.

Now that chatter1's doubts were answered, he/she was mean enough to run away without even saying a thank you leaving me with..
'Chatter1 is now offline'

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Maayuush Proposes

Maayuush is one of my old friends... (He's really old, he even needs a stick 2 walk)
So Maayuush was describing how he once proposed to a girl....

So Let M = Maayuush and G = Some arbit random girl he knew (or maybe didn't know even)

M: Hey girl, have you ever studied about cos and sin ?? (Checkin her intelligence)
G: Yes..

M: Hey girl, you know, to shit is human and to flush divine ?? (Checkin common sense)
G. Yes..

M: Hey girl, do you know you look really fine ?? (Free kee taareef)
G. Yes..

M: Hey girl, does your swatch show 10 past 9 ?? (Impressed by her financial status)
G. Yes..

M: Hey girl, is it everyday that you dine at 15 past 9 ?? (showin her he knows a lot)
G. Yes..

[[Note: By this time, the girl is max frust and used to sayin 'yes' so maayush moves on..]]

M: Hey girl, before you go, tell me, will you be mine ?? (The final propose)

M gets a resounding reverberating echoing and panging Chapaat! (that too v2.0)

Since then, Maayuush decided, he would no more propose girls and only propose theories...
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Ladies and gentlemen, Bhaiyon and beheno, Moms and dads, Thank you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

8.662516351 approx

Thought for the day
Dont think too much. You could have joint pains.. (knee pains ie)


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The Sober Part

I know I've been an irregular chapaater.
But today, I have a different chapaat. A completely unique unchapaating chapaat.
I today, present to you, my newest hobby.. Painting.
I have been painting for 2 days now and Im glad to show you 'all my masterpieces'.







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(click paintings to see enlarged view)








1.This painting was my first one. It was a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep meaning... Can you guess it ??





































2.Just tryin my hand at shadowing but I dont leave paintings wihout meansings.





































3.My favourite fruit. (In zero- gravity conditions)



















4.Shadow to honi chaheye.....












Thats all for now folks.. I shall, if you like, post more as I make them.
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Truckload: (An old joke)
Once a teacher asks a student.. "Okay.. Now tell me the names of 5 animals that live in the forest"
Silence.. Complete Silence...
Then the student thinks and says... "Ma'am... 3 lions and 2 tigers."

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If you're still wondering the relation of the title and the post....
Sorry... Its just random.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Somethings don't need a title

When you wanna take take, its greed.
When you wanna give take, its trade.
When you wanna give give, its called love.

When you only expect, its greed.
When you expect and are expected, its trade.
When there's no expecting, its love.

When you're violent, its greed.
When you're angry, its trade.
When you're content, its love.

When you want to kill, its greed.
When you dont kill so the other won't kill, its trade.
When you could die for, its love.

When its you and only you, its greed.
When its you and the other, its trade.
When there's no difference, its love.

As chapaating as a chapaat can be.

Yesterday, my minors ended. Not to mention, the Material Sc. exam went as good as good can be.
Actually speaking, it went as good as good can be.

After the minors said bye bye, I was happy, though unaffected of being a minor-overed guy.
I felt nice, infact chill... I was so chill, I felt as if I reached africa.(The atmosphere was much warmer as compared to me na!)

Last night, was a nightout at Patti's palace... Oh forgive me patti... I mean patti's place.
Though patti's room is huge but unfortunately has only 1 double bed.
Oh ya! there were 7 of us in 1 room
(Yes... all boys, but please no assumptions)

At 11, the rest except me, started playing PS2. They played games as stupid as stupid can be and made be as bored as bored can be. They fought, shouted, cheered and what not.. Behaved like complete lunatics when I slept. If you want to ask why I didn't play, I have only one answer, I dont believe in Video Games.

I woke up at around 2, they were still playing.
I slept.
I woke up at around 3.30, they played like hell.
I slept.
I woke up at around 6, everyone was dead. (Obviously not me)
I slept yet again.
I woke up at 10, and heard the idious words,
"Let the gaming Begin...."
Obviously, They played.

I escaped as fast as fast could be, at was home at around 11.30.
I put on my PC, to check blogs, write chapaats and chat on yahoo/gtalk.
I was meticulously reading blogs when Mr.Power Cut came to say Hi.
I was max frust. But later, I saw....
My room was dark. I love dark rooms. So I lay on the bed in the dark room and relaxed.

I felt comfortable again. Dark, I wonder why, amuses me.. Maybe Im the king of the dark or sumtn. I loved my room so much as much can be. I even clicked a pic...
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(My room's pic.... when there's no light)




Soon enough, light refurbished my room.
I said to myself
'I've got the power!.. Now why not PC around!'
I was thrilled to switch on my PC as I had to check the blogs, write chapaats and chat on yahoo/gtalk.

Bloody Windows XP scandisk takes 5 long minutes to complete but I was unaffected.
As soon as I saw the face of my desktop, another 'haadsaa'!
Power Cut. I was frust as frust could be.

My room was dark again.

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Sorry, Even I feel that this post was as arbit as arbit can be.
But afterall, (I quote myself)

I'm Ze Exaggeratorr

(Please Note -> pronounciation: Zay Ex-zaj-jee-ray-torr)

I shall exaggerate as exaggerated an exaggeration can be.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ! Keh do ke yeh jhoothh hai!

Truckload(courtesy creepu):
Q1.Are you bored ??
Q2.Want to do something interesting ??
A. We suggest you give loans.. They're actually interesting!

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The Nahiiiiiiii part


Seems Ze Chapaater is gonna get a bad chapaat tomorrow!
As they say in the hindi movies,
Nahiiiiiiiiii ! keh do ke yeh jhooth hai

Stop smiling at my misery.

Anyways...Ive got my AML120 minor tomorrow.
If you're wondering what AML120 is (I know you are)
then its a course I have and its called Material Science.

Once, as what has been said....
Material Science.. How torturous..

Our classes are held in an AC video studio, where we're allowed to do anything silently.
We can even dance, eat, work, workout even or sleep, provided we're silent as the teacher cannot point his finger at us..Why you ask ???
Coz...He's on camera.(thats why its a video studio!)

By the virtue of such freedom, I have taken the obligation, to not listen in those bloody boring lectures and today I rot!

I have maybe 4 chapters tomorrow. I've been dilly-dallying the bloody damn thing by an hour, every hour starting from 1 in the afternoon... Its 7 now.

I know nothing and seems I'll get a chapaat in the paper, the last paper of my minors, tomorrow. (please dont smile)


I, Mani the grasshopper, now understand why people study in advance..
I now cry in anxiety. I pity myself too for delaying everything so much.
'How will do the exam ??' 'How will I get a grade ??'


The things in blue above, is what I should be thinking....
But, I like to say, Im unaffected. :-)

Chapaat 2 all those who thought Im gonna get a chapaat!
Aur ha! woh jhooth tha!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Hukka... (No, not the drinking hukka)

The lingo here at IITd is amazin. They try to shorten everything up. Everything... they shorten things so much that a full fledged novel can be converted into a short story.

"Yaar tu stud hai yaar!" would be the favourite line of any general arbit person you might find roaming around here and the popularity of the word 'arbit' which stands for arbitrary, just
cannot be explained.

"Studapaa mat jhaad"(dont shed studaapa)
"Waaah! kya tashan hai" or "Tashanaapa to bahut hota hai yaha" (tashan is like style or sumtn)

The postfix '-aapa', I have to say, is a very useful one.
Tashaanapa
Studaapa
Arbitaapa
Frustaapa
Papa
etc etc

"Woh to max frustaa gaya" (he is highly frustrated)

Some other, arbit terminologies do exist and seem to come from various sources..
for example "Oye! toone woh 3rd question banaaya kya ??" (Were u able 2 do the 3rd Q? )

For the types of jokes that emanate from my auspicious mouth, the word used is 'Hagga'
Oh shit! I cannot understand how a PJ can be linked to 'Hagga'
(its good if you dont know the hindi meaning of this word)
And ya... Hagga is not spoken out, instead,
"Yaar! please arbit hugge mat uchhaal" .. ie foul-smelling haggas are tossed....

In iit, no one has any problem, no one has any tension but everyone has a fight.
Nothing is not tough or hard but Fighter.
No prof. is strict, profs are fighter.
Another use... "Yaar!!! woh maggu kitni fight machaa raha hai"

As you would expect, IIT is full of maggus. Maggu species is a species, amazing types. They believe study is worship. Sit on the first bench. Never miss a class.
Maggus dont study, maggus do magaaee. (magaai is a verb)

Coming to the more useful lingo,
If you get an A grade in a course, you get an 'Ikka'
Going by the same tradition are 'Bikka' 'Cikka' 'Dikka' (point to be noted milord ..Dikka)
We dont say 'Eeeka' when you get an E grade coz then it sounds really eecky.

The best thing happens when you get an F grade.. You're sad, lonely and feel like crying as you have to do this dreaded course again.. and a happy friend comes and asks
"Oye!!! Fukka laga kya ???"(Did you get a fukka or what ??)
Fukka, very certainly, Fukka....
If you get a zero, you get a Zukka.

And some senior studs, (here stud means stud-ent)
so some senior studs many years ago had also coined 'Hukka'.

Hukka stands not for the H grade (there is no bloody H grade)
but for humanities courses that strive or maybe thrive, Im not sure, to exist in the IIT system.

Yes! Humanities courses in Engg. Amazing huh ?

The current hukka i've taken up is called 'Science and Humanism'... However 'chaatu' it might sound, I totally agree with my friend TK(Dead bird) that hukka courses are the only ones which actually teach us something*.

One of my friends once exclaimed "Yaar! there's nothing more chill than being a hukka prof"
I max agree!

Enough hukka blabbering. The IIT lingo, this shortening of thin's like, secy, rep, frust etc etc is certainly useful, but im unaffected.. I speak my own arbit language as I like it.

I do not live in ze hostel and am deviod of the many-a-great terms used there.. So Im unable to give the reader (yes you... who else??) more insight into the subject.

*Opinions may vary. Please read terms and conditions.

One more thingy. Just dont try to click here

Friday, October 07, 2005

....

As I stood in the line I watched how god distributed everbody's nourishment. Everybody spread their hands in front of god, He gave 2 handful to someone, some people got 4, some got 10 handful.... Some even got a very small no. of grains but everyone moved on quickly to be born.

It was a long, really long line and as we moved, I thought to myself, what shall be for me ??...
Then it was my turn... God took 2 handful of grains and threw it afar. "Go maniraj. Now collect your grains"

Since that time I've been running around to collect all the grains and the day grains finish I shall too or the day I finish know that the grains are too.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

When it comes to naming

Truckload

According to the relativity theory, "Ëverything is absolutely relative"


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The Book
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'When it comes to naming' is the name of my latest(and first) book that was published almost a month ago. It has since then been a bestseller in many areas and sales show exponential rise in rural areas of Bihar.Jus kiddin.
Since a very young age I have been interested in the psychology of naming and names and have tried my level best to present all my thoughts in a humorful manner at once. The 200 page book deals with all the complexities there are associated with the word 'name' and if Shakespeare were to say now 'Hey dude....whats in a name??', I would suggest him to to read the book which costs only 100 bucks... (100 Indian bucks, for him it would be 1.32762736 lbs... After 1 lb = 80.something rupees)
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I must show you its cover page.
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I now present a small part of a funny, chapaat type chapter from the book.
How do name your chinese kid....
In china, you see, kids need a tough name. Toughly named kids are tough... And according to the 'parampara'/tradition in China, there is an absolute method to find a name for the kid.
In my 4 years of research, I must say that this was the most amusing information I had ever gathered.
If your kid is Chinese, which signifies you're chinese too, firstly you must measure the exact weight of your kid in grams. Lets say the kid is x kilograms. (Did you say that ??? ha ???)
So you must rise up exactly x*100 metres above the ground and take with yourself a steel plate(diameter of your choice) . The more amazing thing is that your plate should be custom made ie it should contain absolutely (x/100) % carbon. The next thing is to drop the plate from that height and note the sound that it makes while cutting through the air and when it hits the ground. From here on you have the liberty to name your kid with one of those sounds or maybe a combination. The last name however, is given by reversing the sound(name) of the kid's real grandfather's first name and if bychance the kid has no grandfather the father will do too.
The amazing...............
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Thats it for now
I have about 40 free copies. If you're delhi, I'll surely send it to you otherwise please go to the nearest bookstore and buy 'When it comes to naming' worth only a 100 Rs.
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Also see the real names of people revealed(in the sidebar) to know more about my naming interests.

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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Chai-Pot for the day

Chai pot = Chapaat

Me's friend Feenix and Me, today wrote a combined Chapaat on her blog.

Click here to read the external chapaat.

Thank you.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The adventures of The Mani

PG, like always, relied on her friends to proxy for her in the Hukka(Humanities) class...
(Obviously she was absent)

I somehow, do not like the proxy concept... Nevertheless PG has other friends...
The attendence sheet was passed for students to sign and some unknown PG signed.

"I'd like to check the attendence sheet today", said the grinning prof.
So he called out everybodys' names.
or maybe I should say he called everybody names.... Im not sure..
anyways

For PG, amazingly, this was the 2nd time, she was caught of not being present in the class while her name was signed for.
Prof was happy. He now had his bakra.(Bakri to be more specific) (Bakra = sheep)

"So Maniraj, you're Priya's friend..??", asked the prof. (Priya is PG's pet name)
(coz he sees me with her in the tutorial classes and he knew she was a good frnd)

"Yes sir.... "
He looked at me mysteriously and before he could say anything

I said loudly, firmly, confidently and boldly...
"Sir... I dont believe in proxies"
"Naa lagaane mein, na lagwane mein" (I dont proxy, I dont tell others to proxy)
(I said it very boldly thats why I put in bold font)

A few microseconds later, when everyone had swallowed my statement, everybody laughed.
2-3 guys were sleeping, they too laughed breaking their slumber.

I was not embarrassed but surprised as to what was so funny ???

"You're speaking so confidently, I believe you" said the prof dude....
and the proxy business was over...

But somehow the non-belief of proxy statement makes my friends laugh everytime.

___________


Creepu lies in the hospital.
No, I dont mean to say he speaks lies... just that he is unwell and lies on the hospital bed.

'Why ???', you might ask...

Even if you didn't ask, I'll tell you.
The actual reason was that his brain crashed.
(No he did not have a truck accident)

His brain stopped responding due to me.
Yes yes! its all my fault.

The Real Thing:
Today in the CHL251 class I was trying to pass time. But time being the careless, dumbly unstudious freak that he is, just couldn't be passed. So I made this chit as I always do and passed it to Creepu.

He saw this and never responded again... His brain hung and there's no way we could restart him. To see the chit, scroll...... (down obviously)

























Yes..Thats for Creepu did for sometime before he stuck.. :(

Sunday, October 02, 2005

FAQs....

General FAQs

Q.Who is this FAQs ??
A. FAQs stands for Frequently Asked Questions.

Q.How much do the answers for FAQs cost ??
A. On our site, the answers are free of cost.

Profound FAQs

Q.Who is this chapaat ??
A. Chapaat... Well, He is a blog and is a very good guy.

Q.Is chapaat accessible from every corner of the world ??
A. There are no corners in the world. Earth is spherical.

Q.Oh I mean, can I access chapaat from any city or country ??
A. You can see chapaat from every city in the world, but there are some countries where it is not supported.

Q.Is chapaat free of cost ??
A.If you just want to read, yes... But membership charges total up to about $10000.32837 approx Click here to become a member.

Q.What are the computer and human requirements for chapaat ??
A. Computer must cost atleast $5000 . Human must not be anpad(illiterate) .

Q.Why does chapaat contain arbit humor ??
A. Thats not true, its just a rumor.

Q.How many times can I see chapaat in a day ??
A. Well, there is no such limitation.. But for human welfare we recommend you limit it to 10.

Q.Is it necessary to give comments after I get(read) a chapaat ??
A. Its for a good cause. For every click on the comments link, $0.25 goes to deranged patients.

Q.What benefits do I get by reading chapaat ??
A.
1.More profits for our customers through easier/faster processing.
2.Customer satisfaction considered above any other business considerations.
3.We offer prototype services.

OH shit!!! wrong benefits!!
Correct list follows
1.Rotten PJs liven up your day and energize you
1(a).More energy makes you more efficient
1(b).Higher efficiency, you get promoted/ get good marks
2.Success in life

Troubleshooting FAQs

Q.What is the best way to trouble shoot ??
A. Use a Magnum 96FI

Q.I come after 24 hrs and I see no change.. What should I do ??
A. Press F5

Q.What do I do if I do cannot load chapaat ??
A. Press F5

Q.What should I do if the images are not loading ??
A. Press F5

Q.My keyboard stopped working. I can't write the URL... How do I get to chapaat ??
A. Press F5

Q.My F5 key does not work.. How do I handle the above problems ?
A. Contact keymaker.
(As precaution, always keep a pack of spare F5 keys with yourself.)

Q.I have done everything but I cannot see chapaat.. Now what ?
A. Switch on your monitor.

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Saturday, October 01, 2005

Please dont click this title

Kilik kee jeeyay

Click here to know how to keep a fool in suspense for 24 hours.

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Short Story

She had been used his whole life just as she was today. She felt dirty, impure.... but was slowly getting used to it. Becoming filthy and sweaty, and later the purity was revived as Surf Excel was being used to wash her ie Maayuush's shorts.
Click here if you think the SHORT story was nice.

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