Chapaat v2.0

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A Unique Problem

I am facing a problem I don't think anyone has ever faced before. It all starts with my major exams. The problem is that I have to study but I dont want to. And now I don't know what to do! Imagine! Have you ever even heard of something like this before ??

I feel studying is so boring! Sorry for sounding so absurd but I speak out what I feel. I know Im random. Infact my name should not be Maniraj. It should be RandomRaj. So from now on, everybody must call me Randomraj.

I have a thermodynamics exam tomorrow. I have been doing extremely well in the subject the whole semester. I've been doing so well, I ought to jump in a well!
I have a total of 27 / 60 currently and the highest is 58! Wow! I think Im gonna top this course.(Neeche se!)

After reading this post, someone is sure to say,
"Huh! Ullu de pathhe! yeh bhi koi problem hui ??"

____

Padayee, you are bad! I hate you!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

In life...

If life, when things happen, you have only 2 options.
1.Crib, Cry, Complain, Cuss, Curse and Accept.
2.Accept.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Logic Logic

Everything should be done logically. Absolutely logically and with reasoning. What I feel has no logic HAS to be, most obviously, incorrect as it is illogical. There is a logical reasoning for anything and everything we see and observe and I don't think that our experience can ever be wrong. Never!

There's just one problem. What do I do when my logic or understanding is limited ??
____

When I was about 8 or 9, I remember, my Dad and I once went to the market to buy some stuff. I think the article costed about 250 bucks. My dad was trying to bargain and he gave the guy Rs.200. He was not satisfied and sarcastically said "Thank you sir.... Please dont give me even 200 rupees. You take the item for free"
I was amazed! Wow! Free!! I said
"Okay dad.. Lets leave now.. chalo.. lets go"
He ultimately settled at around 230.
I was astonished at my dad. When that person had offered him for free why the hell didn't he simply take it and move on ? Why did he waste his money!? Later, I realized. It was my logic which failed to understand the situation. So how can I be sure of my LOGIC and REASONING now ??? This was a very small example. A very insignificant one. But has large implications.
If someone who knows more and tries to teach me, I don't believe it. Why ? Because it looks so illogical and absurd. So illogical.

In the end, just a sher,
Heera mila khairaat mein,
footi kismat usse gavaa diya,
kaale rang ka koila samajh ke,
heeray ko hee gira diya.

Now relate.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

BURN

Meri kaha aukaat hai aisa kuch bolne kee ??
Listen to the great ones.

___


kbIr hwf jry ija lwkrI kys jry ija Gwsu ]
kabeer haad jaray jio laakree kays jaray jio ghaas.
Kabeer, the bones burn like wood, and the hair burns like straw.




eh jg jrqw dyiK kY BeAo kbI{ adws ]
ih jag jartaa daykh kai bhayo kabeer udaas.

Seeing the world burning, Kabeer has become sad and detached.

____


The world burns. The body burns at the end. But the mind burns every moment. It burns of jealousy, of ego, of evil... It burns of desire. The whole world does.

Friday, November 25, 2005

The dirty ways of mangalpuram

"Mera dimaag dimaag nahi computer hai"

I have to say this. Don't think Im chacha chaudary or sumtn, afterall how can I be a chacha, my bro is too young to have a kid..... So If you wonder why I am like a computer, I must tell you. My friend tells me I get stuck. (I will not tell you that my friend's name is Feenix). She says I get stuck and I have a luinguistic hangover. I keep repeating the same words and jokes and Poor Poor jokes all the time.

So what can I do ? I'm tempted to use a joke I use so many times, yet again. After all how can you go on making new jokes everytime ?? Ze Raw material is very mehenga you see.
____

Okay. Here goes.

If you thought I was Mani, you were wrong. Coz Im back!
Back from 5 days of dormancy, chapaat lives again! (Background sound=Max_Enthusiastic.wav). Don't ask me where I was. Ask me where I am.

Ask Na..

Okay. Im sitting on fronta my darling computer now and tryin to write a dumb chapaat. Read at readers risk. If you're illiterate, please don't even think of reading ahead. Now you might try to ask the question 'Why ??'. I will not answer that, instead raise another 'why'.

Why, Why Why I ask.....
'Why Does one laugh ??'

Waah.. Kya question maaraa hai saab. Mazaa aa gaya. Mazaa kya, coke pepsi sprite sab aa gaya!
So while I try to answer this question, sit back and relax. It would be even better if you get a relaxing massage done while reading this. (Oh please don't misunderstand the meaning of massage here.. Please)

You laugh at stupidity. Wallah! The answer.

[[Disclaimer: The following material, that shall be presented has no relation with anyone and any relation seen is maybe, purely co-incidental.]]

Remember the last time you laughed. You laughed at someone's foolishness. Someone's stupidity. Maybe your own, but rarely. But that's the only reason.

[[End of disclaimed portion]]

If you don't believe me and think Im wrong, then don't laugh at me. Because if you do laugh then... Ha Ha Ha. (I'm laughing if you laugh at me now)

___

And ya I forgot to tell you, the title's random. Chapaat.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

When the going gets tough!

When was the going easy for it to get tough?? Ha Ha Ha Ha (I'm laughin)
__

When I was in class 1, (Do I need to mention I was a 1st class guy ?)
So,
When I was in class 1, one day I did not complete my maths homework. Everyone had done it, I forgot to. That was till then, the most dreadful moment of my life. Believe me, if I had a stress testing machine then, the machine would've cracked. I had not done my homework. I was guilty of an inexplicable criminal offence. I remember I cried. I cried as I was so scared as to what ma'am would do to me when she knows. I don't remember what exactly happened later.

Today, you and I, read it and laugh. What seemed to be the biggest worry of my life then, is an everyday type insignificant joke. The problem is, we don't learn when life tries to teach us. From this small incident, she(life) has taught me a lesson. I must not forget that what I consider as essential or crucial might now be actually so important, but I fail to recognize it now. I will only realize after I have gained enough experience to realize it. But why not now ? Why not know the triviality of things around me now instead of worrying ?

But, If I look closely, very closely, I realize that my thoughts are made up only of two things. Desires and Tensions. Thats it. If I look very closely, I see my body is a storehouse of disease. I would want to generalize it. Everyone's body is a storehouse of disease and an unhealthy mind.

Don't agree ?? Think again.
Still don't ?? Stop reading.

But if there's so much of discomfort everytime, how do we continue to live ?
How do we continue to have in us, the utmost desire to live more ?
After all, who wants to die ? And any sane person who says Im not afraid of death, Lies!

--- Pause... And think... Then read-----

Hope! Wallah! Here lies the answer. (No I dont mean that Mr.Answer speaks lies... Don't read this line)
I always HOPE that today I have disease and discomfort, BUT, maybe tomorrow I wont. Maybe when I get rid of this problem, I wont have anything to worry. Hope.

Funny.

____

Oh Man! Such a preachy post!!!!
Shabashi Chapaat to you for reading it fully. (If you have ie. otherwise please return my chapaat to me!)

Friday, November 18, 2005

Ragging (-r+t) ho gayee re!!!

Well, I was told to write 20 random things about myself by Abhinav. He is my Senior/4. [[click to know meaning]] and always wanted to rag me, even though he never met me. He thought ragging to nahi kar paya, chalo tagging kar deta hu. Evil!

So... When Im supposed to write 20 random things about myself, I think I have an easier way.
'20 Random things about myself' [[Acha likha naa ??]]

Or

I could do something like



...Things.... Things .Things...... Things
Things........... Things ........Things.... Things
Things........ Things Myself Things........ Things
Things.. Things .......Things ..Things
.........Things.... Things Things Things ..

[[20 Random Things about Myself]]

But I choose to be enthusiastically sincere and actually write stuff about myself which may actually make you cry after reading. No, Its not a dukhbhari kahani but don't you cry of boredom sometimes ?
(Dont tell me you do!! I was just kidding)


So let the things, beeeeegin! [[Gonggggg.......]]



1.
No.. This is not my pic. It is just how people react when I tell them I'm not alien. Sorry but I know you'd be having a similar face now. But the truth is the truth. Im not alien.

I told the same thing to this poor little monkey and he was so surprised, he went out of control.

Shit Man! Monkeys are, sometimes, so stupid! Infact monkeys are so stupid, I once knew a monkey who couldn't understand the relativity theory even after reading it twice

One more very secret and interesting thing about me... Im a boy!





2.In my life, I have usools.
->Usool 1: I never share my choclate. I may buy you a new one. But nope! Its a sin to share chocolate.
->Usool 2: I never plagiarize on my blog. I had this usool even before I knew what 'blog' means.
->Usool 3: I must name all my friends. To see my achievements in the field, click on the 'real names of people revealed' link on the right (in the sidebar )
->Usool 4: Follow all usools honestly.





3.In my life, I have disbeliefs.
->I dont believe in girlfriends.
->I dont believe in formality.
->I dont believe in birthdays, new years, anniversaries etc etc
->Infact, I dont believe in time.
->I dont believe in best friends. I dont have one. I just have 'sort of best friend's.
->I dont believe in proxies.
->I dont believe in stars. (Not the space waale stars you dumbo. Movie star type stars). Everybody's just human.
->I dont believe in cheating except for the engg. fluid mechanics (chl231) quizzes.






4. I am a racist. I want to do things very quickly like in a race. One could also say for sure that Im not a doctor as I dont have patients. Oops patience.















5.


I have some weird infatuation for cockroaches. Not that when I see a cockroach I say
"Arre waah! Aaaaj ka lunch to mil gaya". Infact I dont even go within a 3.2231 m radius of a real one. I like to draw cockroaches and I call everyone cockroaches.
"Hey cockroach! Kaisa hai be!"
(Arre! Reply! I was asking you)



[[Nice pic na ?? This is my yahoo profile picture. But I surely look a lot different...]]









6. When it comes to talking, I seem, to be extreme. There are times when I wish I had a strip of disprins in my pocket to gift to the person talking to me. People start to fear me then. I like it! Hahahahahahha (Evil laugh hai)

But there would also be these times when Im quieter than silence. That happens when I'm thinking over something or my battery is dead. Yes I think too!
When I'm physically off, I cannot think, respond or talk. I'm, you could say, like a mobile phone.
You can talk to me anytime except when battery level is low. Then you have to make me eat and drink to charge my battery.






7. Mai laayar, to naheeeee....
Magar, ai khushi,
Jab se chaaha,
hai mainay tumko,
mujhko,
lie bolni aa gayi...........

Okay. I admit. I'm a bad liar. And I even hate to lie. But sometimes, you see, you just have to. But I feel really bad after doing it but these times are rare as I'm generally a straight-forward person and would say to you anything you would ask, truly. My life is like an open book. You just have to specify the page.






8. I am an idle guy. (Guy here means boy and not cow)
I love to sit free. I love to rest. I love to be a 'have-nothing-to-do' type dude. But sometimes it becomes boring also. Then I resort to blogistan. Blogging is an awesome concept and Im damn sure whoever created it was as wela as me.






9. I'm not much of a prefectionist. (Isn't something wrong with the spelling ??? But what ??? Damn!! Forget it!!!). I would want things in a working condition. I'm not a person who would waste his precious time in making things flawless in which flaws dont pain. I'm not worried about the look of anything. My car, my notebook, my desktop, myself. Everything should just work.








10. If someone would ask me my hobbies, I'd say
"Itnee hai ke pata nahi kitni hai"
But I actually try to name a few. For eg. Hunting white polar bears in africa, Rock Skiing, Underwater paragliding etc etc. For the more commonish hobbies, I like playing badminton, programming, blogging, relaxing, listening to un-headaching-music, mazaaking etc etc









11. I am a poor joker. I will make a joke out of any damn bloody stupid or unstupid thing you even try to say. Sometimes, even I dont like it. But sometimes, it feels nice. There'r some common 'uchhaalaapaas' that have entered our group. And there'r some questions to which you'd always get the same mind-boggling, hair-snatching reply. For eg. Now its spontaneous for me to answer "Ghar mein" when someone asks "Where do you live". Or you might call me from your cell from the US of A and ask me "Hey where'r you now ?" so I'll answer "IIT Delhi. Btech".
Its spontaneous.





12. I smile when I admire and I can't stop that. If I see a guitarist playing an awesome tune, I smile at him and that constant bloody smile does not disappear! Sometimes I feel embarrassed too ! Generally, I admire less until I really feel something. I HATE to praise someone dishonestly. So next time you get an appreciation from me, you know that you're really good.







13.''Since the point no. is 13. I'd like to skip this point as it might be unlucky. ''
If you thought I was really gonna do that, you might as well spit in your hand and go drown in it. How stupid can one be ??? Regarding nos. with luck ??? I dont believe in superstitions in any form. I try not to hate such people but to pity them.






14.I get stuck with numbers. These days, for example, Im stuck with 18, 48.3 and 503. Id arbitarily reply to any question of yours
"Oye!! Panga na lena!! I've done 18 murders!"
48.3 is used as the answer of a question. There was a question where we had to find the value of 55 variables and someone asks me
"Did you complete that Q ??"
"Yess!! The answer is 48.3!" (for no reason)
503 is my favourite.Everything is 503 in number. I dont know why. For eg.
"Yaar! Woh gadha paanch-so-teen bahane bana ke chala gaya!"
and sometimes people dare to ask...
"503???? Kyuuu ????"








15. Im a huge fan of heavy english accent and vocabulary. I have no idea why. Im thinking of making an english girlfriend. (Ha Ha).
I'm also thinking of doing my higher studies in UK for the sole reason that I want to speak like that!

To read my works written in english accent try out Modern Art.







16. I get stuck to 'gaalis' for no reason. I will abuse anyone for free. For example "Arre! Woh haramjaada kaha gaya ??"

But dont worry, I dont use words which would require a beep. Though there are people I have seen who would speak out words like 'penchor' 5 times in a sentence and if their speech was censored that all we would hear is "Beep beep... beep saala beep beeeep"... But I'm not like that. I use the common and light abuses like haraamjaada, kutta, kameena, ullu da pattha etc etc




17. I'm generally a chill guy. (My normal body temperature is also 98F) But sometimes I do heat up even without fever. That happens when I'm angry. And when I'm angry, I'm angry as why the hell am I being angry! I hate anger and whenever he comes to me, he comes to me more! I wont mind a bad comment said on my face but I do mind trvial things said or done by people that show a lot.




18. Everything's trivial. Nothing will ever matter. No impressions, no earnings, no acheivements are ever going to matter. Everything, I know, is temporary.

Love me or hate me,it will never matter
coz everyone like you n me,wont live sometime later
so im not bothered,think of me as evil or mad
but no one's happybe him good or bad...
most go crying,but some eat bliss to live
so think of me as whatever,there's nothing you can give.





20. I am a forgetful dude. I never seem to remember what I was supposed to do. Esp when it comes to remembering people's birthdays! Now for me, thats a tough thing to do! I am absent-minded.





21.I asked some of me friends to describe me in 3-4 words. This is what they said
Givi: "Bandar, Pathetic Poor joker, bas!"
Puneet: "*****, **********, **** ******, Manki, Non-Veg aadmi"
Veeru: "You can't be defined"
Kathuria: "Maamu, Bandar, Chuchu, a very good sit-up comedian"
Creepu: "Sortof best friend, idiot, penchor, maida-chor, Mandiraaj, Monkeyraaj" (Maida = refined flour)
Chaman: "Bada hee bewakoof, anpad and gawaar"
Bhatla: "Yaar abhi kaam karne de.. Time nahi hai"

--------------------

For all those who're crying of boredom, chapaat to you! Now cheer up! So, I don't know how it happened. I wrote 20 points. When I numbered them they became 21. Anyways, now comes to sadistic part! I shall pass on this tag to....
Yes, ladies, gentlemen and others, The tag goes to.......

Tada Tada...
a.Abhinav (Yeh le saale! Badlaa)
b.Vikram (Huhahahahah)
c.Nupur (Tum mujhe comment do, mai tumhe tag dunga)
d.Aria (Apun to pehle-ich waarning diya tha!)

Ash around people but you must complete this tag within a specfic amount of time or else!! evil chapaat to you!!!!

Labels:

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Does you has a straw ?

Thinking why I might be needing straw ??
Well, I dont... My friend does. Scroll down to find out.....
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.
.
.
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..Thoda sa aur..






















He's a car-crash tester. So you see, its justified.
______

Chirkut

Orkut is Amazing. My friend called Patti just logged in to orkut and noticed something very nice.


[[Click and open in new window]]

Hmm...Dear Anand(encircled) seems to be skeptical about it.
------

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Damn You

[[I'd request you to read this small poem, very carefully, word by word (like I've written it) to get what I want you to]]

--
Damn You

When the eyes are red,
Red, of the tears that emanate.
When you feel so choked,
Choked, with what lay innate.

When you cannot sleep,
For so fierce, is the pain.
When you can't still be awake,
but sleep, you cannot obtain.

Ah! Tell me, Tell me,
To what, should I hold ?
Why, Isn't there, a reliever ??

When you experience around,
To find, that everything, is so cold.
When you're spoken to or maybe not,
But you still have nothing, to be told.

When you just cannot breathe,
Because, you just, cannot.
When there's nothing, that cures it,
This bloody devil, can't be caught.

Ah! Damn You, Damn You,
Oh bad throat and cold!
Owed to you, I have now got fever !

----

Okay. If you got your deserved Chapaat, its so so fine.
Otherwise I suggest you read it again.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Thank You

When I was in class 3rd, I was a real 3rd class guy. My standard was very low. (Obviously, 3rd is a low standard). I always stood 25th in class. Thats because my name starts with an 'M' and my roll no. was roll no. 25 for many years. And in the line, you had to stand roll no wise. So I started telling everybody that my name is 'Amani', but the A is silent. But I still had this duffer friend called Abhishek who stood first. He never got more than even 90% and told everyone
"Hello Uncle... You know I stand first in class"
Huh!!!

I have to say, I was very intelligent. I was so bloody intelligent, the teachers envied me and never gave me good marks. But thats besides the point. If you're wondering what the title means, I shall start explaining. If you're not wondering, I think you're not wonderful.

So,
When I was in class 3rd, Once a 3rd class teacher was teaching us 3rd class maths. She was telling us
'Deer Istudants.... You cannot substract big numbers from smaller ones'.
(Yes she couldn't say dear... always said deer)

I somehow could not swallow this statement. I even tried Hajmola. But I still couldn't. I had recently worked on the Subspace Field Harmonical Interference of Matter waves and Neutrites that existed 10 km within the crust of the earth and in that project I had to subtract a big no. from a small one. My mind revolted, but my mouth was quite quiet.

I went home. (Obviously after Chhutti time)
I went home and caught my calculator. I clearly remember, I substracted 10 from 5. The answer it showed was -5. The next day the same old 3rd class teacher was teaching. I raised my hand and said in a heavy english accent
"Ah.. Excuse me Madam. I think I suffer from a state of dubiety with regard to substraction technique you had tutored us yesterday..... Madam."

The envious Madam could not understand a bit. So she asked
"Abey S@@le! Ullu de pathhe ! Kya fight hai be tujhe?? "

I being a very calm and composed 3rd grade student said
"Madam, I tried out 5 minus 10 in my calculator. It gave the answer as 'Dash 5'.. Now what have you to say ??"

Madam: "Mr.Amani, you think you are very ismart and intelligent ??"
Me : "Well... Im so modest.. Hence Im not gonna admit that I am"
Madam: "Teri to! S@@le! Battameez!! Silk kee kameez!! Woh bhi fati huvi!! "
The teacher immedietly reported to the principleless principal. He immedietly informed all other principless principals and other members of his fellowship. They all charged against me a case of corrupting the youth of the time with rebelous ideas. All of them reached my class and forced me to drink a glass of poison. I gladly drank it. They felt nice.
I reached home and went straight to the lab. I immedietly took hold of my Field Charged Cat L X- ray machine and fired it on my stomach. They eradicated all the poison particles but some particles had already affected my brain.

Hence, Im not so intelligent as I used to be. :(
____

If you're still wonderful about the topic, I shall tell you the reason now. As I opened my hitcounter site today I saw the total no. of visitors on chapaat was 5963!

Wow! 5963! I have always dreamt of having 5963 visitors on my blog. I think I was in class 3rd only, I remember telling one of my friends
"Dekh lena dost... Ek din mere blog pe 5963 visitors honge!!"
And he laughed! He mocked me! Since that day Ive had this wish ke mere blog pe 5963 visitors ho!

Today my dream has come true and my eyes are wet.
No I didn't wash my face idiot.. Im crying!
"Arre par mani tu ro kyu raha hai ??"
Arre! Yeh to khushi ke aasoo hai paglay!

"Okay mani dear.. On this auspicious occasion.. Please say a few words"
I would like thank you all for your first-time and returning visits to this blog. I like to thank your PCs/Laptops who bring you here. Your ISPs. Your electricians. Your sweepers. Your dogs/cats/mice. Your doodhwaalas. Your sabziwalas. etc etc. In the end, I'd like to thank ..... (This could not be written as Mani was crying badly)

___

Labels:

Saturday, November 12, 2005

I feel nice

I lost the competition today. I feel nice. Don't laugh!
I feel nice because...........Because..... I'm unaffected by losing it. I feel nice again.

If I look carefully, I see something strange. I see a life in everything.
Seems gramatically incorrect ?
I should say, I see a lifetime in everything.
Seems stupid ?
I should maybe simply say, I see that everything is passing.

Don't mock me on this, but when someone dies, I have a feeling that Oh! How much food has been wasted! A very stupid and useless statement to make, I know. But I gotta think what I gotta think.

Finally I think have changed. (No dumbo! Im not talking about clothes!!)
Then you will try to ask.. What, dude, is then the change ?

I knew it was true that everything ends, but had never understood it.
Maybe I do a bit now. I see with my open eyes and I see an expiry date on everything I see and my not being able to read that, is nothing of concern.

That does not mean I'm depressed or can not laugh away at things.
I can still do that. Ha Ha Ha Ha. As I said, its my way of laughing.

My friend Mayuush had this status message yesterday
'After the game is over, The king and the pawn go into the same box' (V. Nice Mayush If you thought of it)

Then I come to realize.
I feel nice.
I realize that everything good or bad, happy or sad, dirty or clean, I have or had... Will for once cease to exist. And this reminds me of only one word.

'Negligible'. That is what I am. That is the worth of whatever I do. Negligible.
And if you're as negligible as me, how does it matter if you or me possess more ?
And if all are negligible, which I with my aching knees, think is true, then who is better or worse ?

Jackying my math skills, I would say, 20 = 10 X 2 (Twice!!!!)

But!! But!! But!!
Whats the difference between 10 and 20 when I start comparing it with infinity.

But again! He has always been with me. He tells me, he's a good friend but I come to realize, very late, of his deceptiveness. He wants to destroy me because that is what will satisfy his evil desires. It is he who gives me the pain everyday but makes me believe he does it for my better.

I feel nice to have discovered, That I may plead a million times, but he would try to not let me go, I have found, He, the daemon is my 'friend' called ego.

I feel nice.
And I'll kill you! (NO! not the reader but my friend)

I get a really amazing feel....
I realize that your commenting on this post will also satisfy my friend! What bloody hypocrisy by me!
And yeah, admitting you're a hypocrite is just a way to Jackie(show-off) how modest you are.
"Yeah! Im so modest!!!"

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Title-thinker's Block

Sometimes I feel that I wonder aimlessly. I mostly wander aimlessly too, but I think wondering aimlessly is worse. I wonder why I wonder. I wonder why I ask 'why' also.

Ha Ha Ha Ha... (Thats my style of laughing at things)

Life is, amazingly, two-faced. Very amazingly indeed.
Every night has a day and every head has a tail. Now please dont touch the back of your head to verify. I was talking about coins you see.

I seem to feel I am like a normal human being and even I, surprisingly, have a propensity to love. Not that Im a 'janaavar' or something but I never thought one actually wanted 'that' to live. So, whats the problem you might ask. If you didn't, please ask.

I would've not made something like this public, but now that you asked, I think its my duty to tell you he truth. Well, I know Im not letting out some Top-Secret Indian Army secrets, but I'd rather not tell.

Okay, If you force me so much, I'll tell you.
What is the problem if one needs love to live ?
(In this special case 'one' = me)
The problem lies with 'my friend'. Yes Yes, 'my friend' my friend.
She is called life and as I said, she is two-faced. She believes in reciprocation. She takes what she gives.Equally.

More the amount of delight I acquire from having something, more is the anguish I receive when I don't have it. More I enjoy something, more I suffer when I lack it. The more I enjoy sleeping in AC, more is the magnitude of botheration that Mr.PowerCut offers.

Similary, The more I would love someone, the more pain I'd have when I dont have the other with me. I wonder how english has put such intense emotion in a simple 4 letter word 'pain'. If I come to think of it, I come to the conclusion that there'll surely be a time when I don't have, what I love. And as you know everything must vanish.

And yeah, afterall, 'Pain pains more than Joy joys'.
This statement reminds me of the difference between a fly and a mosquito. A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

So now, what do I love that doesn't perish ?
____

[[Recommendation of the day: Breaking News by Abhi Dude.A Must read.]]

Monday, November 07, 2005

Taaeetull

No more bad! , but, Easier said than done .
So sure lad? , but, Is your 'said', then done ?

----


Yaar, suddenly Im starting too feel, that I cannot write good chapaats anymore. (As if I did a while ago :D)

I dunno what to do ???????

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Jolly and uski darling

Thursday was jolly's treat.
Jolly is a guy from the camp.
Dont ask what 'the camp' is.
Just assume its 'the camp'.
He invited me to dinner that night.
He's a cook. (He calls himself a chef though)
He said he'll make food himself.
I said ok

Sun raha hai koi ?
"Nahi pad raha hu"
Ok!

I askd him who's comin.
He said buzz grp..
Buzz group was the name of our group at 'the camp'.
I said ok.
I expected that we'll be 4-5 people and he'll make nice food and we'll enjoy.

When I reached there at 9.30 PM!
Some 10-15 guys roaming around outside his house!
They were just moving randomly!

"Kya???"

Haan!
All well dressed ppl.
Collez guys.
They had all come for his treat.
Chapaat # 1

"You knew them?"

I knew only 1 jolly and 1 more person gunji.
Meri Chop.
Thats Ok.
I said hello n all.
but every1 seemed to be serious
I asked what happenin'.
Now listen.
One of the guys who'd come there
He got the news his dad had been kidnapped in nainitaal...

Chapaat #2

" WAT????? you mean his dad was still a kid ???"
Shut up!
"Sorry"
He was kidnapped.
This guy was on the fone.
I dunno talkin', tryin' sumtn'.
I dunno
Jolly told gunji (my other frnd) to take me inside.
We went inside.
In the drawing room
4-5 girls were sittin'
We went and sat

"Then?"
Gunji told everyone my name.
I sat.
After 10s.
Gunji escaped.
So.
There's 4-5 gals, jolly's mom and me sittin in a room
I dont know any girl
They'r talking about I dunno what !
I felt so bloody odd!
Chapaat #4

I sat for 5 mins enjoying the glorious company.
He had this small ground floor balcony type.
Where he'd setup tandoor.
So all the guys were now roaming around there.
Jolly was working on the tandoor.
Roasting chicken n stuff.
I went, stood beside him for sometime.
But he was on phone explaining someone the way
For 10-15 mins I stood

"shit yaar"
Haa shit!
Gunji was roaming around.
He didn't even look at me.
I sat on 1 of the chairs.
There was jolly roasting and talking.
And people roaming around.
In max tension
And givin' him dilaasa (the kidnap wala guy)
I was alone.. sitting.. doing nothing.
Bored.
And came expecting tonnes of fun.
Chapaat #4

"You didn't give dilasa??"
Nahi... I didnt know the guy
I cudn't just be chape!
And he wasn't crying or stuff.
He was chill.

Suddenly i look inside the drawing room.
I see nancy.. ('The Camp' friend)
A min later i saw PJ too. (Another 'The Camp' friend)
I never expected her.
Coz she dont stay late.
And I told her about Jolly's
She never mentioned Jolly called her too.
She was happily with the girls there,
As if they all were best friends,
knowing each other for years.

The time was 10 then
Nothin had started
I was outside.
Sitting on one chair.
Jolly was a little away, roasting
and talking to his friends and greeting newcomers.
People just didn't stop coming!!!
and I had no one to talk to!

Chapaat #5


Later the girls came outside
and suddenly all guys vanished
I dunno why ..
It shud've been the opposite.
They were actually moving randomly out n in
I was sittin
When girls came
I met PJ and Nancy
And all girls sat in 1 line
So suddenly
The girl next 2 PJ moved
and she called me

" kya nautanki ho rahi thi yaar...."

I went and sat next to her.
Thank god PJ was there

"ya...."
Mainay ek ghanta usse chattaya
Normal baat vaat kar rahe they
Suddenly,
Jolly says please have food.
That evening I had lunch at 4.30.
I ate a full pack of choclates after that.
I cudnt even see food.
They served tikkas n soup.
Rather self service.

It was so weird
At 1 corner there r some seats.
Where im sittin between girl line.
And other corner.
Jolly is make tikkas.
You had 2 go and take tikkas from there.
Guys roamin in n out.
Fine.
PJ said at 11.00PM she had to cut.
her mom dad would come to pick her.

First that kidnap guy,
He was yelling on phone,
then he was laughing and eating,
Stayed there for a long while.
Later he cut.

At 10.55 I said im cutting
So I said bye bye and all
I went to jolly 2 say bye
but we got involved in poor jokes n stuff.
He is, like me, also a poor joker
5-10 mins passed

Suddenly, PJ's parents came.
Me Gunji Jolly PJ and Nancy
(Yes!! Jolly afterall left his sweetheart - the tandoor)
Then jolly's mom and dad
We all went out.
I thought I'll also leave.
So
We went out.
Suddenly

"aur bhi hai aage???"
Arre Sun to!

I have always teased Gunji and Jolly
They call themselves chefs.
I call them waiter, bavarchi, cook everything!
Gunji tries call me Mechanic. (Which Im not)

So as we all went out,
Jolly's dad,
he got a plate,
with 2 pcs of chicken, 2 pcs of paneer
and 2 glasses of coke.

He was standing with it.
Her parents were in car.
Suddenly,
He handed the plate 2 me
And said 'Isse serve kar do' (Pls serve this)

Chapaat #6


So i was like waiter
With a plate, 4 pieces and 2 cokes,
Standing at the side of their car,
they got out,
and took it,

And for 5-7 mins
They kept talkin
The mom dads
I was holding the plates
Because 1 or 2 pcs of tikka were left.
I just stood there.
They talked.
PJ Nancy talked within themselves.
Jolly went inside to his darling.(tandoor)
Gunji was laughin at me.
I was a waiter in the middle of a street.
Chapaat #7

Fortunately,
Then PJ took the pieces..
And I ran inside to throw the plate.
I ran back 2 gate to cut.
PJ was leavin.
Said bye n stuff.
Suddenly jolly's mom dad
said "chalo beta andar"(come inside)

And I said
No thank you Thank you
I must leave..
She exclaimed "why ????"
and said "you havent had a bite!!"
So i explained
Aunti its become max late
It was 11.15 PM
Im so so so full
I had lunch around 5
Had a box of choclates
I cant even look at food
There's nothing wrong with Jolly's cooking!

Fortunately they did not force me much.
Max mushkil se I said sorry
and CUT away!

Then I lived happily ever after.
THE END

___

If you're smiling, Chapaat to you.


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Friday, November 04, 2005

Want

Oh what should I try to want,
For all I see, perishes,
Opening my eyes, I see it passing,
What is then, the use, of my wishes ?

Oh tell me that, that remains,
and that is what I, will want.
When I have, what not vanishes,
the evanescence, would not, then haunt.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

MøÐÉ®ñ À®t

[[Pls read the whole text below in heavy English accent. Assume you are an englishman/woman with with a long black overcoat and a bowtie and you speak with your head up and eyes closed. You shall then get the intended feel of the text]]

---

Oh darn these despicable creatures who cannot value such an art. Or may I say, they just don't have an eye for it. How wretched would one's life be without the appreciation of such marvelous artistic production which is simply beyond excellence to be tokenishly praiseful. It is inturn, I dare to say, the misfortune and actually a lack of depth of thought for they, who cannot comprehend the meaning behind these so called 'abstract' paintings. They must first larn what Abstract means I reckon. For these seemingly dewey-eyed figures convey such in them, it is difficult to explicate the marvel you could derive from a few lines. And those mediocres call it stupidity. Ridiculous! Infact, Pathetic how someone could demean such a high language of thought.

Modern Art, it is called. My dear friend Patti and I are greatly involved in the great discipline, I should say. We met up and did some painting and I'd like to present to you our paintings and the deep hidden meanings in them.

--



I made this painting while Patti sat aside and thought about his thought for the day. His knees pained too. Please have a look at it.








As soon as I showed this to Patti, he was out of his senses... He had to remove his bowtie and overcoat and extremely excited.
I said
"Patti dear, what do you think I have tried to portray ?"

He closed his eyes. Took a few deep breaths and said
"This is the metamorphosis of the universe juxtapolated with the microcosmic world that moves beneath each megalomaniac homosapien."

I was delighted. He got exactly what I wanted him to. Word by Word!

It was now my chance. Patti handled the paintboard now as I swam in deep thought of my artistic mind.
Patti, I appreciate, produced this......










I could not control my emotions. My hands started shivering and my body became cold. Even my dog, Odie started barking. No, I was not being possesed. Just the my emotions flowed out so potently, they affected the physical world in a subtle and uncanny manner.

I said
"Patti, In this dark world of malice and dread, fashions to proceed are in numerosity, but the one who resurrects in his own excellence is the prevailing power and the maudlin ventures"

Patti cried.
Later, I cried too.
Odie stopped barking.
Our gushing emotions left us simply marvelled.
Such is the power is the Modern Art which is commonly disgraced.

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Yeh Title Shitle sab man ka vehem hai

My friend Jolly studies somewhere in a village in aurangabad. He's back in Delhi now.

Jolly said, "Arre man! Please come on thursday. Then my holidays are gonna finish"


I was surprised
"Yaar Jolly! You've got holidays ?? I thought Diwali is near.. Why'd you get HoliDays ??"
"Arre man! Those people in my collez, they'r so dumb, they thought it was holi and announced Holidays.. .We also didn't argue... Kya pata diwali days de ya nahi ??"

I was surprised again.
"Yaar Jolly! If people in your collez are dumb, how do they announce things.. I mean how do they speak ??"
"Arre man! Notice print kar ke, sab ko dikhaate firte hain"

I was surprised again and again..
"Yaar Jolly! If they miss someone, then what ??"
"Arre man! Those people dont get to know and they stay in college only even in Holidays or Diwalidays to be more correct. Also, as I told you, people at college are dumb, so the ones who see the notice cannot tell it to others. Its all by luck you see..."

I was not surprised. This was very credible.

---

I hope you're not getting the impression that my name is 'MAN'... Its MANI

Many people have tried to ask me...
Infact, many people have asked me
" 'Mani' ??? Are you from south??"

And I say "Yes! Exactly! I come from South Delhi"
People then get a chapaat.

---

Today is the D-Day!
I mean Diwali Day.
I personally dont believe in formalities. For example saying "Happy Diwali". Because I dont think anyone ever wishes Happy. In the

form of wish, everyone actually delivers vish. So dont expect me to say "Happy Diwali.."
As it is my spellings are weak and Happy ke spelling mein hamesha mistake hoti hai!

You could call me a complete cynic. I dont like to light lamps coz I dont think they'r indicative of anything. I dont like crackers coz I think they cause lotsa noise. I dont like wishing people or going to people's homes with gifts. Everything is formality and in that, I dont believe.

If someone says Happy Diwali, I just write a small "Shame 2 u" not wanting to be very rude.
The other person thinks its a typo and assumes it to be Same 2 u. Well.. I know Im evil.

But...
I just hope, everyone, including you and ME, are happy. [[Hope I dont sound like a hypocrite.]]
Afterall, If your happiness does not interfere with mine, what problems could I have??

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