Yeh Chapaat Chapaat kya hota hai ?

Chapaat

Millions of people, till date have asked me, "Oye! What does this chapaat mean??"
Okay! Close your mouth now, I'm only kidding. Only about 4.3623 (approx) people have asked me. So as sit back, close your eyes and relax as you read the answer to the mind-gobbling.. oh I mean mind-boggling question posed to me.

History:
(Suggestion: Just try to imagine what you are read to get a prettier effect)
(The above suggestion was just a suggestion)
I was about 3.44 yrs old and I was supposed to drink my milk. Not my milk I mean cow/'bhans' milk. My mummy wanted me to become big and strong like hercules so she gave me complan in milk. "Yuss! Im a complan boy". But later I started giving her many complans about complain so we shifted to bournvita, boost, milo, EnergyG (local brand) and what not. Now I drink complan again by the way. So when I was about 3.44 yrs old, as my mummy keeps telling me, I was a patethic chap. I used to spill it everyday. Every single day I used to spill it on the carpet and my mom said "Beta! Carpet bada ho jayega, tu chhota reh jayega". As if I was bothered. What mummy did not understand was that who wanted to be 'bada' and strong. Mujhe konsa girlfriend pataani thee us time. And obviously carpet bada ho gaya to mehengaa hee hoga na!!! One fine day, I very normally, by mistake pushed the glass on the carpet hoping it would enlarge for the better when my dad came into the scene. Then there was a sound, heard far far away, heard y the chirping birds, heard by the barking dogs, heard by the swishing trees and heard by everything else that was left(and right too). Do you know what that sound was ??? It was 'Chapaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt'. Later, the carpet died of malnourishment.

I was in class 3.3342. Ma'am had given us atleast 2 pages of homework to do. I remember how we used to write C.W. for class work and H.W. for homework. So these 2 pages of H.W. had to be done really urgent. As expected, I did not complete the H.W. very nicely. Infact I did not do it at all. Later, I was standing with two other guys(no not cows) in a line with our respective heads facing the ground(not the playground dumbo! zameen!!) as the teacher walked with her oscillating leather belt and said,
"Arre O! Kitne pagewa they"
"5 page sarkaar...errr.. madam"
"Aur tum ????"
"Hum teeno akele they madam"
"Tum teen akele aur woh do page!!! Bahooooot nainsaafi hai!"
Then she laughed. The other two creeps fell at her feet and cried
"Humein maaf kar do! Please! Hum gunhegaar hai! Maaaaa!!!!!"
And suddenly, teacher's mamta woke up and tears started to crawl out of her buttony eyes,
"Kya kya! Kya kaha tumne! Maaaaaa!! Mujhe aaj tak Maa kisi ne nahi bulaaya! Jao mere bacho... Tumhe maaf kiya"
The teacher was single and had no kids. By the way this was all planned by those two guys. Kya planning thee baap!
So, I being the only prey left... Suddenly the teacher said
"Kyu nahi kiya homework!!!" (she couldn't speak english na!)
"I am sorry ma'am.. I forgot.. I mean I bhool gaya" (I spoke only english.. Ahem ahem)
"Oh bhool gaya!! Khaana khaana bhoolte ho kabhi ???", she outcried in her outrageous voice.
"Seldom but yes.", I said in an amazing australian accent.
Ma'am couldn't understand what I said and again there was a reverberating sound all over... Class 1 guys heard it, class 2 guys heard it, princi heard it and rest did too. Do you know what that sound was ???? It was 'Chapaaaaaaaaaatttttttt'. Later, her mamta woke up again as I fell at her feet and said "Maaaaa mujhe maaf kar do".

I was in the cricket field. I was the pioneer batsmen in our colony and an exemplary bowler. So this one day, I was batting and showed my stupendous skills to the cheering girls. I raised an eyebrow everytime they cheered indicative of extreme confidence and as an acknowledgement of my famous reputation. The dead-tired bowler kept on bowling as he could not get me out and I kept on shooting the ball in all directions that existed. Then came this bouncer, but hooking it off my chest was childs play. But from somewhere out of the thin air, I don't know where, an old uncle placed himself in the trajectory of the ball. What was to happen is clear. Uncle hit the ball very hard and ceased the travelling-towards-the-bounry-with-all-its-might ball's motion. Skipping the middle portion, I shall tell you, there was again an echoing sound heard by the pitch, by the fielders and bowler, by the wickets and all such stuff. Do you know what that sound was ???? It was 'Chapaaaaaaatttttttt'. Later, I declared my innings over
No one could bowl me out.

Lesson:
There were about 503 more incidents like this. But lets try to learn from these 3. Okay, first of all, do you find something common in the three ?? Exactly! Chapaaat! So as life keeps giving us chapaats from to time, physical or virtual, Chapaat is the place where you can get to know or get yourself a chapaat.. And all this! For free!
So time you hear someone asking "Arre bhai! Yeh chapaat kis chidiya ka naam hai ??", open your hand wide and give him a perfect chapaat and speak out in amitabh bachpan style
"Yeh! Haan Haan Yeh! hai chapaat! Samjha!!! Haeen ??? "

General Stuff:
Obviously enough, chapaat v2.0 was not always v2.0. Earlier only Chapaat existed but I had deleted it by mistake through the settings page. Chapaat v1.0 had a completely different style and chapaat has changed a LOT. That is why I keep posting the old stuff sometimes. Though seldom.

There are many types of chapaats.
1.General Chapaat -> The very general chapaat we get out of our lives or keep giving people. They could be phyical or virtual.. Though the physical ones make a really nice sound. Try it our sometimes. Suppose A gives a chapaat to B, let us note the sound schemes...
A:"yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!" (try to gather force)
At contact, "Chapaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttt" (A must not forget the follow-through for a perfect sound)
B:"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!" (Out of pain)
(Invented by nature)

2. Shabaashi Chapaat -> When a chapaat is necessary but you want to appreciate someone. (Thanks to dudreja, the discoverer) (Mostly given on the back... )

3.Affection Chapaat -> When you want to express affection but still want to convey your emotions using a chapaat. Kiss your hand and with the same hand give a general chapaat to the person. The best type of chapaat. (Thanks to me)

4.Healing chapaat, Acidic chapaat, and a million other types of chapaats which are being invented everyday by people like Sunrays.
__



There are people like Sayesha and Raddy (and maybe more) who have started call me chapaat.
"Oye chapaat! Kya haal hai tera ??"
There are people who read every chapaat (wow!) and people who haven't read even one. When I first entered the world of blogging I was called "Havami". Then I changed it to "Red Colored Green Monster". Then "Ze Chapaater". Then "Ze Exaggeratorr". But sorry to say, Ze Exaggeratorr kee to vaat lag chuki hai. Someone calls me Ze Exagg or maybe Ze Ex or Ze but some lethargic souls drop down to the level of calling me 'Z'. Waaah!

This was my 99th chapaat. Keep your eyes, ears, nose and mouth open for the century. (Dekha I told you na I was an awesome batsman!)

P.S. The stories were 99.3876387 (approx) % pure fiction and any resemblance with anyone living, dying or dead is coincidental. (Maybe)